


Battlestrips

by vinceyprincey



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Board Games, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mild Smut, Stripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 05:50:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinceyprincey/pseuds/vinceyprincey
Summary: It was raining, and Vince was bored. So Howard came up with a game, and Vince came up with a way they could make it more interesting. Neither could have ever predicted what it would lead to.





	Battlestrips

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly thing my brain came up with at two in the morning. Hope you enjoy!

It was a firm tradition in their house, and had been ever since that fateful day when Vince complained to Howard, for the 100th time that day, that he was bored. It was a bank holiday, so he couldn’t go shopping, as well as this it was raining heavily, so it wasn’t like he could even go out for a walk or anything. Howard had managed to subdue his boredom for a little while with some nonsensical cartoon on the TV, but fell short of ideas once the ever-increasing showers outside cut off the television signal.

“Well, in my day, Vince,” Howard started (Vince resisted the urge to point out, as Howard was so fond to, that they were supposed to be the same age), “we had other ways to entertain ourselves on rainy days.”

“Oh yeah, like what?” Vince inquired, not really interested but feeling like it was required of him to maintain the conversation.

“Intellectual games. Games for enlightening the mind. Hangman, battleships…”

“They don’t really ‘enlighten the mind’, do they? They’re pretty simple.”

“On the contrary, little man. Not many realise it, but those particular games increase all kinds of mental skills. Logic, neuron speed,...spelling,” Howard didn’t like to admit he couldn’t come up with many examples, so attempted to change the subject. “Maybe if you’d spent more of your childhood playing battleships and less pretending to be Jagger, you’d share my highly superior mental capacity.”

Vince pulled a face. “Ugh, battleships? That’s what Grandad’s play, isn’t it?

“It is most certainly not, sir. Battleships is interesting, fun, not to mention intellectually challenging.”

“Boring is what it is.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of ways to make it exciting. You could use your glittery gel pens, or you could name your ships after all those celebrities you like.”

“I know Howard! Strip battleships!”

Howard was quite taken aback by this sudden outburst. “Excuse me?”

“Come on, strip battleships, that’ll be genius! Battlestrips!”

Howard was in a conundrum. While he would enjoy playing battleships with the younger man, especially since it meant he could empass his knowledge of the game onto Vince, the threat of having to remove his clothes almost put him off. Almost. Howard eventually agreed to the game, but only because Vince had never played it before, therefore he was confident he wouldn’t lose to the younger man.

So they retrieved some paper and pens, sat on the floor, and Howard explained the basic rules. They played a few rounds and Howard managed to get through it by only having to remove his shoes, socks, and nutmeg cardigan, while Vince had shed a seemingly uncountable quantity of jewellery, a scarf and a single sock. Howard decided that next time they played he would have to ensure Vince wasn’t wearing too many accessories, as it didn’t seem fair to him. 

And there was definitely a next time, and many times after that. Basically, any night that either of them couldn’t find anything to do, they would play. Naboo and Bollo joined once, but after Bollo complained he was at a disadvantage by not having any clothes to start with, and Naboo flat out refused to remove even his turban, Vince and Howard didn’t ask them again. 

So this game became a much loved tradition for the two men, so much so that Howard willed it to rain most evenings so Vince didn’t go out, and Vince sometimes cancelled plans so he could spent it playing with Howard. This was strange in itself, as anyone who had ever met Howard Moon would think he would hate having to remove any of his clothes in any situation. The truth was, he normally would, but for the first few games, he had the advantage of being practised in the game, therefore normally winning. As Vince got better, Howard found it harder to justify his immense enjoyment in the game, and put it down to getting to spend some rare quality time with his friend. This was most certainly the reason, he assured himself, absolutely nothing to do with enjoying the sight of Vince without his clothes. Anyone who had ever met Vince may also find his participation in the game strange, since who would rather spend evenings playing battleships with Howard Moon than go clubbing? The truth was, Vince didn’t like playing because he actually enjoyed the game. No, he had another, secret reason. He also loved watching Howard take his clothes off. 

Neither would admit this to the other man though, obviously. And it wasn’t like either of them had ever gotten fully naked; they never played enough rounds to allow it to get that far. The farthest they had gone was down to their underwear, so both men saw it now as a challenge to see who could take it that next step first, Vince especially.

Vince’s problem was, though, despite having improved tenfold since the first time they’d played, he wasn’t really up to Howard’s standard. The thing was, Howard didn’t really have any friends before he met Vince, so spent a fair amount of his childhood playing battleships with his father, or even just practising strategies with himself. If Vince wanted to see Howard remove every piece of clothing, he needed to get better.

So that’s what he did. He spent many nights on the internet, playing the game virtually against strangers, researching the best places on the other person’s board to guess, and the best ship placements. After about a week of this, Vince was certain he now had the ability to beat Howard once and for all.  
Now he just had to pick the best time to initiate the game. And this took patience, as it seemed like any day he didn’t have a nightclub commitment to attend, Howard was going to jazzercise or had plans to go round to Lester’s. After nearly two weeks of this, Vince was about to give up hope. It was a Friday night, and a new club was opening in Camden. It wasn’t like he just couldn’t go: Cheekbone were doing a cover story on it and he was bound to get his picture published if he attended. Howard also had plans, as Lester had acquired a new Howlin’ Jimmy Jefferson record and they were going to listen to it by candle light. It didn’t look as if they would be able to play that night, or so it seemed…

Howard had been getting ready in his and Vince’s shared bedroom, scatting quietly while dressing himself in his favourite ensemble of tweeds, when his phone rung. The lit up screen displayed Lester’s name, and Howard answered with a cheery greeting, not prepared for the croaky, scratchy voice that met him.

“Howard? I think I’m a bit ill, we might have to put a raincheck on tonight.”

“That’s a shame Lester. Do you want me to come over and look after you?” he offered politely, inwardly hoping he’d say no. While he enjoyed Lester’s company, he didn’t fancy being a nursemaid for him.

“No, that’s alright Howard, I think I’ll just get some rest.”

Howard smiled, then felt guilty for doing so. “Well if you’re sure. I’ll see you soon then.” He hung up the phone, and went to join Vince where he was sitting on the sofa, waiting until it was time to leave. He had the TV on, but wasn’t paying much attention to it as the only thing he could find to put on was the news. However, his head shot up in focus at the mention of the name of the club he was about to visit. Both men listened in silence as the newsreader announced that due to some shoddy electrical work, the whole club had gone up in flames, and fire teams were currently working on putting it out.

“Well,” Vince said, after a moment, “looks like I’m staying in tonight after all.”

“Me too. Lester’s ill so he’s had to cancel. 

“Hm, so we’re both free this evening?” Vince pondered, and both men had the same thought. Howard checked him over for excessive amounts of jewellery, and found the amount of garments that made up his attire acceptable. Without needing to say anything, they both assumed the usual position on the floor, and retrieved their stack of paper and pens, getting to work drawing a 10X10 grid each, and marking the position of their ships. Both men had one that took up 5 squares, one 4, two 3, and one 2 square ships. For every square containing a ship hit by the opponent, they had to remove an item of clothing. 

“Ready?” Howard checked once he had finished, receiving a nod in response from the younger man. “Right. F5?”

Vince shook his head. “Miss.” Howard marked this on his own grid. Vince then guessed B9.

“Miss. B1?”

Vince sighed. “Hit.” Howard grinned as he marked this down and watched Vince remove his left boot. He was off to a good start. 

However, his lead didn’t last long as Vince guessed H3, which was a direct hit on his 5 square ship. He was forced to also remove one of his shoes. Now that they both had one hit, they had both located a ship each. They next had to guess whether they were vertical or horizontal. Howard took a chance on Vince’s ship being vertical. “B2?” This was a miss. 

“H2?” Howard groaned. Vince had hit again, and now knew the direction of the ship. Howard removed his next shoe.

They both continued guessing in turn, and as Howard had only located one of Vince’s 3 square ships, and Vince had found his 5, Howard had removed both shoes and socks, as well as his cardigan, while Vince was still sporting a single sock as well as all of his other clothes. After a few misses for both men, Howard managed to hone in on another of Vince’s ships, much to his dismay, sinking it completely in 4 guesses. He had now removed his second sock, a necklace, his leather jacket and his only ring. He now sat, wishing he had put on more jewellery, as if Howard found another of his ships, all he had left to remove was a shirt he had hanging open, a t-shirt, his jeans and pants. This was not going the way he wanted it to.

Howard, on the other hand, felt things were very much coming up his way. With every garment he forced Vince to discard, his excitement grew. At first, he thought it was excitement to win; to finally be the one to render his opponent stark naked, but as the excitement seemed to move to a rather private region, he became concerned, but forced himself to not think about it.

Vince was desperate. He had to begin covering some serious ground, or he was in trouble. Luckily, just below one of his own sunken ships, he discovered one of Howard’s, lying from B2 to E2. Howard now remained in only his trousers and pants. 

Howard was now growing very, very concerned, because that excitement he had felt earlier, was now most certainly concentrated in his groin region, and he was noticing the beginning of a slight hardness in his underwear. There wasn’t much use denying it anymore. He was aroused by the idea of Vince stripping. Unless he miraculously hit all of Vince’s ships immediately, it didn’t look like there was much hope for his dignity. 

What he didn’t realise, however, was that Vince was now in a very similar conundrum, and was very shocked when he felt a hard on forming as he stared at his friend’s naked torso. There was a lot riding on this game now, for both of them were going to try valiantly to hide their boners from the other. 

No real new developments were made for a while. Both had about 5 guesses that missed, and both were getting increasingly anxious. It was currently Howard’s turn. “C5.”

“Hit.” Vince pulled off the outer layer protecting his torso. Howard had found his 2 square ship. 

“J9,” he guessed in response.

“Miss.” 

The other square housing Vince’s smallest ship was C6, but Howard missed, instead guessing C4. Howard was now blushing slightly as his arousal grew. Thankfully, Vince missed again so his trousers could stay exactly where they were. But Vince didn’t get so lucky as his ship was finally sunk. He and Howard were now both equally clad in only their trousers and pants. The younger man was so focused he stopped even glancing at the Northerner; his eyes glued to his grid. 

The older man, on the other hand, had forgotten his grid even existed, for he had been looking at Vince, and had now spotted the obvious tent in his extremely revealing jeans, and wasn’t sure what to think. There was no denying his newly found attraction to Vince, but surely he couldn’t feel the same towards him? But why did he also have a hard on? The more he thought about, the less the thought of losing the game worried him, which was lucky as Vince’s next guess was D10.

“Hit.” 

It seemed like the next few seconds occurred in slow motion. Vince’s eyes were glued to Howard as he rose to his feet and pulled his right leg out of his trouser leg, followed by the left. His boner, like Vince’s, was now on full display, and they both knew it. 

Both men caught the other’s eye, Vince displaying a wicked smirk, and Howard offering a sheepish smile in response. Neither seemed to be able to form words, so they kept playing as normal. It was Howard’s turn. 

“F3.”

The smirk grew. “Hit.” 

It was now the shorter man’s turn to stand, peel off his trousers, and sit back down. This was it. They both knew where the other’s ships were. It was Vince’s turn now, and he was finally going to be able to do something he’d been waiting to do for a while. 

“E10.”

Howard’s voice was small, but his blush bloomed even redder. “Hit.” 

Vince was transfixed as Howard tugged at the waistband of his underwear. Howard didn’t feel as confident as he had earlier, but forced himself to glance across at Vince. First at his equally eager cock, and then at the encouraging smile on his face. 

“It’s alright, Howard.” With these words, Howard made quick work of pulling his pants off, freeing his own erection.

Strictly speaking, the game should’ve been over. Vince had won. But neither made any complaints as Howard took his final turn. 

“E3?”

“Hit.”

The pile of discarded fabric next to Vince gained a new addition, and Howard could do nothing but stare. 

Surprisingly, it was Howard that spoke first. “That’s quite...impressive, little man.”

Vince grinned. “Same to you, not-so-little-man.”

Neither friend new quite what to do or say after that, so in an attempt to bypass the awkwardness he knew was on its way, Vince scooted closer to Howard until his face was just inches away from his. 

“Howard, can I...would you mind if I...if i kissed you?” he asked, shyly, a loving look in his eyes.

Howard took a short breath. “Go for it, Vince.”

So they kissed. And then they kissed a bit more. And this was followed not long after by some touching, which quickly resulted in some stroking. There’s was lots more of this in the hours that followed, but was then paired with some thrusting, and some moaning. 

In the days that followed, there was a lot of kissing, and a lot more moaning. But this was now mixed in with some hand-holding, and a fair amount of cuddling.

It’s safe to say that both men were very grateful for that rainy day a while ago, as it led to the invention of their now favourite game. For without it, who knows how long it would have taken Vince and Howard to realise they were in love with other?


End file.
